sad sad

i didn't go to work today.....aku ade migraine lagi.....i am so frustrated with myself....aku tak tau kenape lately selalu sakit kepala....
i decided to see a doctor tomorrow....tu pon kalau leh dpt schedule appointment besok...

aku tau migraine ni takde ubat.....sakit ni buat aku rase down gile.....aku bangun tido tghari tadi....and it kept me thinking of my life....selain migraine, aku ade masalah tido.....i never ever get to sleep soundly through the nite.....everynite i will woke up at least twice, and i will feel very anxious and nervous...aku tak tau kenape aku rase macam tu.....but it kept me wide awake for awhile, and aku dapat rase heart beat aku laju not as per normal....
am i having an anxiety attack??...i don't know, but i want to ask the doctor tomorrow....

a lot of questions, but so little answers.....i feel like i;m lost and missing something in my life....ade macam2 bende aku nak buat, tapi tak berpeluang....ada banyak bende aku nak wat, but aku rase macam dah terlewat utk semua tu.....aku rase mcm nak wat list, mcm dlm cerite The bucket list....overall aku rase totally unhappy ........

since aku keje kat US ni, aku realized yang i am a family person.....i need somebody by my side , and the loneliness is really killing me slowly......i can;t wait to go home next year....i decided to go home next year, instead of extend satu tahun lagi, mainly sebab aku miss home very2 much and aku rase aku mungkin akan jadi gile by the time i finishes my third year kat sini.... people sees me like aku ni macam tough sebab boleh survive sorang2 kat sini, but they have nooooooo idea how i felt inside.....
i have to start doing things for myself, instead of puaskan hati org lain....

eventhough dulu aku dulu study kat US dulu, but this is totally different.....dulu aku tak rase macam ni sebab i have my friends, i have somebody i love beside me......

sometimes aku rase menyesal sebab datang sini, menyesal sebab decided to come here.....maybe sebab dulu aku tak pikir panjang....

okla...aku just need to channel my feelings before i do anything stupid here....don;t worry, i won't....